if I only had 2 months to live..

youth went really well tonight.   I had more thoughts  than we had time to talk about..  so I'm gonna elaborate now...

the topic was about how time just flies..  the brevity of life.

If I only had 2 months to live what would i do?

I think I would pray a lot more for my wife.  It's crazy how much your priorities change when you're married.  I would probably write down and video hours of things that I want her to know..  and things that I wish I had taken the time to say before to her and to the the people I love.   It would be exhausting,  but I would have to get all of my thoughts out of my head before I would be able to enjoy the rest of my time on earth.   I have so much to be thankful for,  and have so many thank you's to say- and I would truly want to take the time to say it all.

Something I always wished I had of my father was a video of him talking.   To see his expressions,  hear his voice,  to see how he held himself..  to see if I can see any kind of him in me.   I'd like to know what dreams he had for himself and what dreams he had for me.

I wouldn't want anything left unsaid.  I would want to share one last time my testimony of God's provision and mercy in my life.

Then after that I would want to spend the remaining weeks of my life as ordinary as possible.   Maybe go to work and give my craft my very best.   Wash off all the hard day's work and scrub my finger nails in the shower.   I'd have dinner with my wife and maybe fall asleep on the couch together.   That would be wonderful.   Fold laundry together while we talked about our day.  Go to church and hold hands just like any other Sunday.  Kiss her and love on her. 

I am so incredibly blessed. 

After that just nothing else would matter.   No need for a bucket list for me.  God has given me a home filled with love,  what more could I ever ask for?

The Day the Light Bulb Flicked On

I'm part of a small group that meets on Thursdays. Part of our study this week asked the question (paraphrased), 'do you remember the moment when you came face to face with God and for the first time this whole Christian thing just clicked?'

I don't remember how the question was actually worded but it was something along those lines. Just prior to that we had a previous question (is that redundant?) that asked if there was ever a time when someone in your life had ever died abruptly and how did that make you feel? This previous week has been quite interesting with this new role I'm in with the church and with being unemployed that I've definitely had more discussion and quite time with God. So when those 2 questions came up I was slow to answer and be involved... because maybe I was vulnerable.. or maybe I was afraid that once I opened my mouth and allowed words to start flowing that I would talk way, way too much.

Hmm.. abrupt deaths.. yeah i can name a few. Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 7:
Wisdom for Life
1 A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume.
And the day you die is better than the day you are born.
2 Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties.
After all, everyone dies—
so the living should take this to heart.
3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
for sadness has a refining influence on us.
4 A wise person thinks a lot about death,
while a fool thinks only about having a good time.

One great thing about growing close to God (meaning spending time reading His Word) is that when situations come up where you need wisdom or guidance or reassurance verses like this will come to your mind. Like I couldn't remember how the whole thing went but when I got home I looked it up.. and yeah it helped. There is a lot of value in those 4 verses. Death really does bring a perspective and value to life that spending your time partying and having fun just does not do.

So I didn't really chime in on the question about death because I didn't know which funeral (my dad's, my high school girlfriend's, my best friend's mom's, my other best friend's dad's, oh and my neighbor's dad...) I wanted to discuss but when the question of when the light bulb turned on I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about.

My relationship with God before I was a Christian is thoroughly described by the words of Job in chapter 17:
17What is man that You magnify him,
And that You are concerned about him,
18That You examine him every morning
And try him every moment?
19"Will You never turn Your gaze away from me,
Nor let me alone until I swallow my spittle?
20"Have I sinned? What have I done to You,
O watcher of men?
Why have You set me as Your target,
So that I am a burden to myself?
21"Why then do You not pardon my transgression
And take away my iniquity?

I just wanted to be a good person. I was raised to always do my best. It didn't seem like God had ever done me any favors so I really just wanted to be left alone. And for the most part I was a good person. I wasn't a popular, particularly cool, or confident person but I didn't have any enemies and didn't really give cause for many to be annoyed by me. I just did the best I could with my circumstances and talents. But like I said there was very little I saw need to be buddy buddy with God. And then there was the frustration I had with God. What had I done to God to have been dealed the cards he dealt me?

So what changed...? This will be the long version. So this will be a good time for you to leave, or at least get something to eat or get a blanket to wrap around you like the kid on The Neverending Story. Man, thats an awesome movie! FAL-KOOOOOR !!!

So towards the end of my freshman year of college (2001) a lot of changes were about to happen in my family. My mom was getting married and everyone was going to move into his house that summer. I was informed that it was time to for me to be on my own. I was working part-time and going to college full-time and getting good grades and I was a starter on my college soccer team. I had a car that was constantly broken. I wasn't prepared to be on my own and I had no savings.. I kinda thought I would be able to live at home till I finished college, etc.. but change of plans. I went in to talk to the Director of Athletics at my community college about scholarships and kind of just advice and stuff. He told me that an old friend of his was the AD at a small private college in middle of nowhere Missouri and they need soccer players with talent and have scholarships available. So called up my uncle who lives in Kansas City, asked him what he thought, and made my decision that evening. And just like that I moved to Missouri. I spent the summer with him and attended that college for 2 semesters.

Summer with my uncle was fun... the college... not so much. But I did learn a lot about myself and about being independent. It gave me the time to grow up a little bit and be able to have the tools to be on my own. Coming home to a home that wasn't all that inviting kinda helped too.

A close friend of mine became a Christian while I was away at college and I accepted an invite to a little get together with some of her friends at the apparently world famous club, "The Brandin' Iron." I striked up a conversation with one of her friends about soccer and coaching and looking for a job and when she heard that I had experience coaching High School soccer and was currently volunteer coaching a team of 12-13yr old boys she told me that the Christian school she worked at probably needs coaching for their sports and they would pay me, I decided to check it out. I really needed a job.

I went down to the Christian school and met with the jr/sr high athletic director and it so turned out that they were in need of a jr. high girls volleyball coach. After he offered me the job he told me to go meet with the principal of the school, so as I walked down the hall I passed by a man who immediately turned around and said, "Hey, aren't you Jason Hicks?" I responded curiously, 'yes.." Turns out he coached me in soccer when I was 12 or 13 (the same age I was currently coaching, by the way). He remembered my family, my good attitude, and was curious what I was doing there. When I told him about the volleyball coaching gig he asked me what I knew about coaching PE. I said something like, "jumping jacks, dodgeball, running the mile?" And he said, "Well if you want the job, you'd start next week."

Sometimes things just work out like that. So before I knew it I added more things to my list from jr. high volleyball coach to elementary P.E. teacher, 5th/6th co-ed sports coach, k-6 athletic director, k-6 student council adviser, k-6 computer teacher, to basically anything that's fun and outgoing I pretty much was responsible for in some sort :)

So not only did I become a full time instructor but I also started attending church every Sunday and teaching Sunday school. And I was definitely faking the Christian thing.

Being the only guy staff member under the age of 50 definitely was awesome. I had never felt such love and appreciation before. It's gotta be something similar to the feeling of being a dad. Those kids would come running to me everyday.. every single day.. as I walked onto campus and give me the biggest hugs. One kiddo named Jacob stood out from the rest. He was in first grade and was kind of a trouble maker. He was a bit of a ragamuffin and was so funny and cool. His teacher and the principal had difficulty with disciplining him so they decided to send him to me to see if I can reach him. We would play some basketball or go for a walk around the field and eventually he would open up to me.

Turned out his older sister was on the volleyball team I was coaching. At the end of the season party I got the chance to meet their parents. We started talking and when she realized I was the new coach who her son couldn't stop talking about I remember her grabbing my hand and thanking me for making the difference I've made in Jacob's life. She then told me that he was a foster child, taken from a drugs and abuse situation by the CPS. They have had him for about a year and his behavior has been a problem since they took him in and that whatever I've been doing has made a difference.

Sometimes I think he would get in trouble just to hang out with me, but I didn't really care.. I was so thankful to be making a difference in someone's life like that. Then one day he wasn't there to give me my morning hug. After a week of no hugs I finally asked his teacher what was up. CPS had contacted his biological grandparents and turns out they are Christian, wonderful, good people and will be taking custody of him.

Jacob's last day was a tear-jerker. I think he came in for only the last part of the day to say his goodbyes and blow out his early candles on his birthday cake. I joined his class for his little party and he called me over so he could sit on my lap to blow out his candles. I could just feel my throat getting knotted. I was not ready to say goodbye to him yet. After the party he walked by my side to carpool and we sat together on the bench waiting for his ride. Everywhere I looked there was someone crying. Crying joy that he is going to have the life he deserves, but also crying because all though he was a pain at times we had all grown to love the little guy. When his ride arrived he stood up strong and bold-faced, still not shedding a single tear. With a peace sign and a smile he said goodbye.

And then it was okay for me to start crying. I ended up having to get up and go walk off those tears. It was a deep emotional cry... something I couldn't remember doing for a long, long time. I returned to the bench after carpool was over to sit down. It was then that I realized that I had just been given the opportunity to heal a wound that I had been ignoring for most of my life. When I was Jacob's age I lost my father to a drunk driver. I went to his funeral and everywhere I looked people were crying, but I told myself I would not. I decided that I needed to be strong and not shed a tear. Jacob grew up faster than he should have and knew that he wasn't like the other kids in his class. That little boy who stood strong who I just watched walk away to take on the next chapter in his life was me.


So much of what he had been feeling I felt at that age. If it wasn't for what I had been through I would not have been able to connect with him like I did. I began to think back to our talks and walks that we shared. I knew what he needed to hear and feel from me because I spent most of my life wanting those things from someone. To have someone to look up to and loved me and made me feel so special. A man who believed in me and thought I was awesome. A man who I can look up to and think he is sooo cool and he loves me! I knew exactly what Jacob needed because I've spent my whole life.. to this day still.. needing that.. searching for that.

This couldn't just be a random chain of events that brought me to that moment... the mutual friend.. the job opening.. the coach from my past... the boy the same age as me with the same pain... it had to be planned. I knew without a doubt that God had brought me to that school to meet Jacob and be introduced to God's love. To be healed and receive peace. To be given a purpose. To finally understand that everything that I had experienced was training for a higher calling. No book or college class could have given me the compassion and understanding needed to minister to Jacob and kids like him. If I can help just one child it would have been all worth it!

I walked up to the principals office and I must have just looked like a mess. I confessed to him that I had been faking it and was never a Christian. He looked at me and smiled. He told me that he knew and then asked me if I was ready to become one. I said yes. We prayed together and a few months later he baptized me.

God wants to heal your wounds and make you whole. He does not care what you've done or where you have been. You are His creation and his child. He loves you for who are. He has a purpose and plan for your life that is so much greater than whatever path you are trying to hike on your own.

What's that Big 'O' in the Sky... Is it Captain Obvious?

If we've ever prayed together you've probably heard me say something along the lines of:
            "Father when you speak to me (or us) please help me (us) to know that is you,
             make your commands and leading completely obvious..."

I need obvious.  Ask my wife... she'll tell you that I'm pretty dumb when it comes to signs and directions.  Once she explains it to me, I'm like, "Oh that make sense now, I'll pay better attention next time."

Maybe I'm the only one out there, but I go through times when my prayers become immediately disrupted by random thoughts.  Thoughts of I don't know, finances, chores, work, or some unfinished business..  it can be really anything.  The past couple months it has been like this.  Its funny, I started to do a pre-prayer before my real prayer.  Like you know how a book will have a preface that gives the reader an insight on what to expect from the author once the book actually starts... well I started doing that with God:
          "Father, it is my desire for our time together to be without distractions.  I have
           yet to figure out if it some sort of spiritual warfare or just my immaturity lately,
           but whatever it is help me keep this prayer vertical (between You and me) and
           not horizontal (everything else)."

Today when I put on my 8 layers of clothes and get in my Volvo (that still runs great but the heater seems to be more of a warmer since it only warms the temperature in the car to just around tolerable) one of my stops I'm going to make is the dollar store to pick up a new prayer journal.  God has been doing a lot lately and I don't want it to fade in my memory.. I need to write it down.  I also need to pray more and writing helps me A.D.D. thing when I just pray verbally.  My father deserves more of my attention, and lately He's been working a lot more in my life and I need to spend more time in His presence.. and I need to take notes.

So I got laid off from my employer of 19 months for something that just boils down to politics and very little to do with me.  My immediate thought was, "Okay God, what is your plan here?"  I had gone above the call of duty in loyalty (and probably naivety) to volunteer for time off that was initially going to be 3 weeks till the next job and ended up being closer to 9 weeks.  So after 3 1/2 weeks of returning back to work they cut me loose.  I've been without work for almost a month now.

During my last period of unemployment I had plenty of honey-do's and things to keep me busy for the most part, but now that I'm back less than a month later, there is not a whole lot for me to do.  So I've contacted a local Christian k-12 school a couple blocks away to do some volunteer work in whatever capacity they need.  I also contacted the Denver Rescue Mission and have offered the same.  I have yet to hear back from either of them, but that's okay, they know how to contact me.

I've also kept myself available for whatever our church needs.  A while back I told you about the Youth Ministry position being filled.  Well turns out the guy had second thoughts and backed out.  Two days ago I was offered the interim position as Youth Leader.  Interim meaning only 16hrs or so a week and it will be my job just to keep the ball rolling until they are able to find someone to take over.  Personally, I'm in no rush to hand over the responsibility.

The first obstacle of this position will be the weekday youth group night.  In the past it has been on Wednesdays, but I have apprenticeship classes on Mon/Wed from 6 to 9pm so hopefully switching it to Thursday nights won't be an issue.  So yesterday afternoon I'm discussing scheduling and that my (when I eventually start) work schedule will be 7am to 3:30 mon-fri.. class is mon/wed 6 to 9pm, tuesday/fri will have to be my office hours from 4 to 7/8 pm, Thursday will be youth night and then Sunday will be all morning/early afternoon.  So my weekdays will be pretty packed..  but very do-able...stupid night classes.. can't wait till they are finished.

I leave the church office, go home to kiss my wife, and then go to class.  Then something interesting happens.  I was listening to my audio Bible on the way to class about Peter in Acts 10, wishing that God would be THIS obvious with me:

Peter went up on the flat roof to pray. It was about noon, ¹⁰ and he was hungry. But while a meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. ¹¹ He saw the sky open, and something like a large sheet was let down by its four corners. ¹² In the sheet were all sorts of animals, reptiles, and birds. ¹³ Then a voice said to him, “Get up, Peter; kill and eat them.”
 ¹⁴ “No, Lord,” Peter declared. “I have never eaten anything that our Jewish laws have declared impure and unclean.^[b]”
 ¹⁵ But the voice spoke again: “Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean.” ¹⁶ The same vision was repeated three times. Then the sheet was suddenly pulled up to heaven.
 ¹⁷ Peter was very perplexed. What could the vision mean? Just then the men sent by Cornelius found Simon’s house. Standing outside the gate, ¹⁸ they asked if a man named Simon Peter was staying there.
 ¹⁹ Meanwhile, as Peter was puzzling over the vision, the Holy Spirit said to him, “Three men have come looking for you. ²⁰ Get up, go downstairs, and go with them without hesitation. Don’t worry, for I have sent them.”
 ²¹ So Peter went down and said, “I’m the man you are looking for. Why have you come?”
 ²² They said, “We were sent by Cornelius, a Roman officer. He is a devout and God-fearing man, well respected by all the Jews. A holy angel instructed him to summon you to his house so that he can hear your message.” ²³ So Peter invited the men to stay for the night. The next day he went with them, accompanied by some of the brothers from Joppa.

So something obvious every now and then would be great.  God gives a vision to Peter about going beyond his comfort zone.. not so much with food.. but with people.  God wants Peter to reach out to the Gentiles.. to put aside the rules of old and his assumptions/stereotypes and help the non-believer and non-Jewish.  I was been praying for God's guidance and blessings on my path and now my new task and schedule as I pulled into the apprenticeship and up the stairs, when I walk into my classroom and my teacher announces that we will no longer have weekday classes for the remainder of the school year.  He has accepted a job with the railroad as a maintenance electrician and his work schedule will be 3 to 11pm so we will
now have class on Saturdays from 8 to 2:30. 

I was like little Nick in Honey I Shrunk the Kids when the light bulb finally turned on and it made sense.  Want obvious..?  How's that for you?  Hmmm... let's recap.

1.  Got laid off from working at a sewage treatment plant that kept getting me sick, so now what will I do with all this free time.

      1a.  Taking over the reigns of a youth group will require a bit of time initially to get setup and get the ball rolling.

2.  I've been awfully lonely lately being home alone all day.  And I need to do something better with my day than lying around the house.
      2a.  Plenty to be done in youth and children's ministry.  And with the new church, moving, planning, etc I don't see myself being a lump anymore. 
3.  Being out of work doesn't pay as much as working, I need to find something to help get us by.  And if it can be under 20hrs I can still receive some unemployment benefits.  Oh, and if it can be enjoyable that would be a plus!
     3a.  Starting this Sunday I will be getting paid for the volunteer work I already do for the children's ministry and I will get to work with the youth group (And I'll enjoy that!)
4.   This apprenticeship class thing is a real drag.  I'm not going to have any nights off during the week.
     4a.  Would Saturdays be okay with you?  You're a morning person and you're up early anyways.  Why not get it all out of the way in one day?  By the time you're done with class your lovely wife will be rested up enough and you'll have more breathing room during your work week.



Now don't blow it Jason.  You've been patient and I've worked it all out for you.. make me proud, son.

I won't Father.. thank you.

dirty laundry

We usually wait till the weekend to do our laundry.  And sometimes we don't even start on it till after church on Sunday.  When those days happen it is likely that we won't end up washing every article of clothing and we always plan on finishing on Monday or something... but that doesn't always happen either.  Last weekend was one of those weekends.

By Wednesday evening it came to my attention that I no longer had any clean underwear.  I was very puzzled by this situation because this usually only happens to Beki because its not uncommon for her to wear 3 different pairs in one day and I always find it funny when she wonders why she's out by Friday.  Well this time the laugh was on me.  Thursday morning I woke up and I was forced to search for the least dirty pair of boxers to wear to work.  On Friday soccer shorts were called in to be the substitute.  This morning, now 3 days later, I decided it was time to solve the case of the dirty underwear.

I began my search in the last place I saw them:  the laundry basket in the bathroom.  Yep, there were all accounted for in the laundry basket; not a single one under the bed or in the washroom.  And so that you know I am sitting in bed, writing this wearing freshly clean and dried underwear.... SO MUCH BETTER!

Wearing dirty underwear is probably one of the most uncomfortable things I can think of.  Wearing soccer shorts instead, is also not the best either.  I know by now you're thinking that going without is a perfectly okay option given the circumstances, but to me that is even more uncomfortable.

Sin is a lot like dirty underwear.  Most of the time it is a private thing that you keep hidden from the world and the only person that knows about it is you.  All day it nags at you, irritates you, and you wonder if anyone will find out or can tell that underneath your clean clothes and smiling face lies a dirty person.  It doesn't matter that you took a shower, did your hair, shaved, etc.. because you still put chose to put on dirty underwear... and that makes you gross.  Getting dressed up and spiffy and walking into church on Sunday morning doesn't cover up that sin you have in your heart.

Having sin in your life no matter how big or small it is can really have an effect on your daily life.

               But your iniquities have separated you from your God;
               your sins have hidden his face
               from you, so that he will not hear. - Isaiah 59:2

I know that when I have unresolved sin, the guilt of it just ruins my day and consumes my thoughts.  I know that until I admit my sin and repent, I am burdened by them and feel distant from God.  One of my new favorite people in my life is my friend Joe and he once told me that one of  his greatest fears is being apart from God and His blessings because he does something dumb and strays from God's graces.  That he has been there and basically confirmed what Isaiah said; that your sin will separate you from from intimacy with God.  And a life separate from God is just not that enjoyable.

         If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the
         darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 
         But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light,
         we have fellowship with one another, and the blood
         of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.    1 John 1:6-7

I definitely spent all day Thursday walking around in dirty underwear.  Friday I constantly had to re-adjust my soccer shorts under my work clothes.  Today it felt so wonderful to pull out a freshly cleaned pair of boxers and put them on.  Still warm, with that dryer sheet lavender smell... oh man so good.  What a relief!

So how long have you been walking around wearing dirty underwear?  Maybe today it is time to make things right.  I promise you that you will feel so much better once you shed those burdens and filth.  It's probably blasphemy to compare the love of Jesus and what He accomplished to purify us of our sins to what the washer and dryer in my wash room did for me this afternoon... but I sure am thankful.

- J

Psalm 77:11-14

 ¹¹ But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
      I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
 ¹² They are constantly in my thoughts.
      I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.  
¹³ O God, your ways are holy.
      Is there any god as mighty as you?
 ¹⁴ You are the God of great wonders!


 Working on my lesson for Sunday morning and watching football this evening tonight while Beki is at school.  Football is almost over.  I'm going to be really sad when there is no more football on Sundays.. Mondays... Thursdays... Sunday nights... Beki might not mind though  :)   Maybe I'll do something useful with all my free time.  Any suggestions?

This week I'll be teaching about how Joshua was so good about thanking God and taking the time to make a remembrance/memorial when He does great things in their lives.  So I'm hoping that with the lesson and craft the kids will do the same in their lives.  This week we will be making paper plate memory holders.  On the front flap we will glue on verse 11 from Psalm 77 and on slips of paper we will write down memories of God's work in our lives or prayer requests for Him to fill.  I think it will be good.

I'm kind of hoping that this blog becomes something along the same lines as that paper plate mail box.  I need to remind myself of what God does in my life, so I can look back and remember His good works.  I think everyone should do something like that in their own way.

Now onto something completely unrelated.

Have I talked about my new job-site yet?  I'm helping replace/upgrade the portion of the main sewage treatment facility in Denver that basically filters liquid from solid.  Ever wonder where it goes when you flush the toilet?  Well if you're in the Denver-metro area, it goes to my new job-site  :)  Basically what we are doing is replacing the current wiring for the grit filter and because the facility is a pretty big deal, the material we are using is a bit on the overboard safe side.  Instead of just running the lighter weight and less expensive underground conduit we are using steel conduit that is covered with a rubbery PVC plastic coating for additional protection.  Each stick (2" OCAL) of 10ft pipe is 2 1/2 inches wide and weighs probably 30lbs each and we've been threading, bending, and installing about 200ft a day.  These conduit will be buried and encased in concrete, so once the wires are installed they will be definitely protected.  Oh and with the snow, mud and wind its been even more challenging.

I really need to work on my brevity.  The whole point of this is that I've been sleeping great this week.  I think hard physical work is the best remedy for tossing and turning all night.  I also think that there is something inherently rewarding to good down and dirty hard work.  It pushes you physically and mentally.  While you're digging trenches and carrying heavy materials on your shoulders there is really no joy to be found in it.  Definitely not fun to have a frozen face or runny nose, but when you're working together with other men and can look back at the work you've completed that day, there is definitely a sense of pride and camaraderie created. 

I'm pretty sure God created men to labor and labor hard.  The sweat and soreness is so rewarding and full of purpose... kinda like doing man work and having man hands.  For those guys who work indoors all day in an office or cubicle I truly think they are missing out.  So many of Jesus' parables have elements of labor, farming, and earning wages.  Jesus was a carpenter, Peter, Andrew, James, and John were fishermen, Paul was a tentmaker.  There is so many life lessons, self value gained, and team building involved in manual labor that I would have never have been aware of if I wasn't on the path I'm currently on.  Our culture says that the paycheck or the education or the window office is what we must strive for... but i disagree.  When I see that garbage man, postal worker, car washer, etc doing their job.. an honest, thankless job... i have learned that they deserve just as much respect as a professor at a college for example.

Get out of your comfort zone.  Hop on google and find directions on changing your car's oil instead of paying someone else to do it.  Come in the house with 3 day stubble, filthy clothes, and chapped hands from working in the yard all day and see the response your wife gives you.  First she'll say that you're disgusting, then she'll secretly think to herself, "wow, he's pretty hot, I don't see him all manly like this very often."
There's a reason why as kids every single one of us loved Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor.  Now that we're grown up we can be that man for our family.  Work is good,

- J

12 Stones

So the past month we've been studying the book of Joshua in children's ministry.  I've read through it more than once over the years, but having the knowledge is much different than sharing the knowledge.  I used to love tutoring and helping others with their classwork.. it was why I've always dreamed about being a teacher.  It is why I love coaching.  It is just so awesome to be able to share your knowledge and talent with someone else who needs your help.  When you witness their eyes light up.. when you see that light bulb click on.. that's gotta be one of the best feelings in the whole world.  And it's the same thing when I used to coach.  My players would get so annoyed that we would do seeming;y mundane and repetitive drills, but then that moment happens when it just clicks (remember Daniel-Son.. wax on wax off) and they look at me so proud that they actually did it and it really works.  Anyways that reward, that feeling, is only part of the blessing of teaching.  The other part is when you teach, the lesson or knowledge or whatever you've studied becomes part of you.

In studying the Bible, I have found that it only really sinks in for me when I share what I've read with someone else, and breaking it down for teaching to kids for some reason is way more impacting.

So I've been teaching the story of Joshua.  For those of you who don't know Joshua of the Old Testament, I'll give you a quick rundown.  The Israelites were slaves in Egypt until Moses and the Plagues convinced Pharaoh to give them their freedom.  Then they crossed the Red Sea and wandered in the Wilderness for 40 years, received the 10 Commandments, and were promised the land of Israel by God.  Well Moses didn't live long enough to see them return home and Joshua was chosen to be the new leader of the Israelites.  Joshua was Moses' second in command and general of the army and now it was his job to conquer all the of the squatters and cities that arose while the Israelites were slaves in Egypt. 

Joshua's faith was so real.  He knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was real and that God can be depended on.  He witnessed the parting of the Red Sea, the manna from the sky, and all the other miracles during those 40 years, so that definitely strengthened his trust in God.  But still, having to lead thousands of weary refugees across the desert without Moses and now into battle.. is what does Marty McFly say: "pretty heavy stuff"  The city of Jericho was the first town on their list.  (I'm having a really hard time keeping this to the point and brief... you gotta read Joshua chapters 1-4 either in a Bible or online somewhere.. because it really is so awesome). 

Once again a body of water is blocking their path.  They are up river from the Red Sea and without a bridge there is no safe way to get to Jericho's massive walls.  But that problem was no biggy for God.  He didn't part the water this time, he just shut it off.  God stops the water flow upstream so Joshua and the Israelites can cross.  The minute the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant step foot into the river, the ground dries up.  They then cross halfway and do not leave the middle of the riverbed until everyone has crossed.  I'm sure those priests are anxious to join them and get across but Joshua has one more task to be completed first.
Joshua 4:4-7
So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen—one from each of the tribes of Israel.  He told them, “Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder—twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel.  We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’  Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”

That is such an awesome picture of God's love.  What memorial do you have of God's work in your life?  How cool would it be to walk to the beach of this section of the Jordan River and see 12 stones stacked upon each other, and then look down to your son or daughter and tell them the story of Joshua and the Israelites.  It almost makes me want a tattoo.  Something that signifies an event of God's work in my life, so when someone asks me, "Jay, what does that tattoo represent?" I can tell them.  Those 12 stones weren't just for the benefit of others, but it was for the benefit of those present that day.  They can look back and have evidence of God truly caring and protecting them.  I might have a crummy day and just be Mr.  Negativity, but one glance at something physical like big stones piled high would definitely remind me of a better time in my life.. a time when God did something great in my life.

So next time God blesses you, go out of your way to make some kind of memorial of it.  God is a pretty big and famous guy and we're just not that cool.  People pay big bucks and stand in long lines to shake the hand or get an autograph of a celebrity or pro athlete.  Then they proudly put that autograph or picture in a frame and put it on display to show to everyone who enters their house.  God doesn't ask you to stand in a line so He can give you His autograph.  He offers that freely everyday.  What do you have displayed in your house, office, or car?  Kids, family, that fish you caught last summer... and now maybe a stone with a date and a couple words on it?  God's beautiful work in your life deserves to be framed.  For evidence to the non-believer and perhaps a wake up call to get your head on straight.

Thanks for letting me share that with you today.  I needed this opportunity to grow closer in my relationship with my Father.  Knowledge is worthless if it isn't shared.  And without action, fresh air, and sunlight it will never grow.  My Father has been doing so many amazing things in people's lives since the beginning of time... and He isn't slowing down anytime soon.  I'm sorry I haven't been bragging about him lately.. I've been kind of selfish and dumb lately.  But before I stop writing for the night, I want you to know that I'm definitely up for introducing you to Him if you're ever interested.. and I've got some pretty rad stories of our adventures too  :)

Kids

I've had multiple alter-egos.  Some I'm proud of.. others.. not so much.

I've been, i don't know... slacking or avoiding or hiding or... i guess just making excuses for not truly living up to God's plan for my life.  James says in chapter 4, verse 17 that: "if anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."  And I've been stuck in that sin for awhile now.  I've been doing the minimum of my God-given talent for far too long.  I've been teaching sunday mornings at church for the past couple months.  I prepare 5 or so hours a week for my lesson.  With Beki's help we've created a pretty cool little environment with crafts, games, videos, power point, prayer and worship that really wasn't there before we started serving.  But it could be better- I could be better.  I have the potential and passion for it, but I am so easily distracted.

It was easier at Thousand Pines.  There I was known as "Ruddy."
Bills?  What bills?  Appointments?  Cell phones?  Internet?  Xbox?
Never even thought about those things.  3 wild months of hardcore kids and I loved it.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about those summers.  When that bus full of kids came down that road and I got my assigned campers, they became my whole world.  We ate together, told stories together, wrestled in the pool together, worshipped and prayed together.  I was their leader... but more often it felt like they were the ones leading me.  They lead me with their questions to read the Bible more.  They lead me to pray more because I was weak and unable to lean on my own understanding.  They showed me what priorities are truly most important, and what things can just wait till another time.  They pushed me to be a better person and have a more intimate relationship with God than any book or mentor ever could have.  When they looked to me.. I looked to God.. and he looked at me and smiled.. and I looked to them and smiled.  And then on Friday afternoon I cried as the bus drove off that mountain.  I cried because I loved them for touching my life and drawing me closer to God.  I wanted to keep that fellowship forever.  Maybe it was just exhaustion.  To this day I haven't had a more amazing night of sleep than i did on those Friday nights in the Red Tailed Hawk cabin.

During the rest of the year I was "Coach J."  The best part of being Coach J was walking through the gate of the campus and getting bombarded with hugs and affection.  I wasn't a regular teacher at Calvary.  I didn't really have a classroom or any set rules.  There was expectations.  There was trust and respect.  We had standards and we had defined roles.  They recognize insincerity.  We never had to sit down and talk about any of these grown up concepts because children are just little people- they understand more than you know.  I always expected them to do their very best and they would without hesitation because they knew they would always get the same from me.  A team is a reflection of their coach and a coach is a reflection of his team.  It is the same way with God.  I never have to wonder if God has my best interests in mind.  I never have to wonder if God sincerely cares for me.  I should never have fear to run up to Him and wrap my arms around Him.  Yesterday I may have made some dumb decisons, but that was yesterday.  Today I know he has already forgiven me and when He sees me running with my arms out wide he has already forgotten all about it because He just can't wait for my love.

This week I've been so distracted by this world.  It is not just this week, but you know what I mean.  But how I see the world and how I see myself isn't the way that God sees it.  I need to get back to what I do best and what God created me for.  I used to think that God's plan for me was to use me to bring kids to know Him... but He is fully capable of doing that without me.  He created me to be his child... I'm just one of His kids.  He desires to have me near Him at all times.  He wants to work with me, train with me, cry with me, laugh with me.  He wants me to grow.
I'm significant.  I have purpose.  Somewhere I forgot that.  All those kids kept me accountable.  They kept me on my toes.  They kept me on the right path and they showed me that life looks better in crayon.  Life will never... and I will never be perfect.

It is time to start drawing new pictures that my Father can add to his scrapbook and stick to his refrigerator.