The Day the Light Bulb Flicked On

I'm part of a small group that meets on Thursdays. Part of our study this week asked the question (paraphrased), 'do you remember the moment when you came face to face with God and for the first time this whole Christian thing just clicked?'

I don't remember how the question was actually worded but it was something along those lines. Just prior to that we had a previous question (is that redundant?) that asked if there was ever a time when someone in your life had ever died abruptly and how did that make you feel? This previous week has been quite interesting with this new role I'm in with the church and with being unemployed that I've definitely had more discussion and quite time with God. So when those 2 questions came up I was slow to answer and be involved... because maybe I was vulnerable.. or maybe I was afraid that once I opened my mouth and allowed words to start flowing that I would talk way, way too much.

Hmm.. abrupt deaths.. yeah i can name a few. Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 7:
Wisdom for Life
1 A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume.
And the day you die is better than the day you are born.
2 Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties.
After all, everyone dies—
so the living should take this to heart.
3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
for sadness has a refining influence on us.
4 A wise person thinks a lot about death,
while a fool thinks only about having a good time.

One great thing about growing close to God (meaning spending time reading His Word) is that when situations come up where you need wisdom or guidance or reassurance verses like this will come to your mind. Like I couldn't remember how the whole thing went but when I got home I looked it up.. and yeah it helped. There is a lot of value in those 4 verses. Death really does bring a perspective and value to life that spending your time partying and having fun just does not do.

So I didn't really chime in on the question about death because I didn't know which funeral (my dad's, my high school girlfriend's, my best friend's mom's, my other best friend's dad's, oh and my neighbor's dad...) I wanted to discuss but when the question of when the light bulb turned on I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about.

My relationship with God before I was a Christian is thoroughly described by the words of Job in chapter 17:
17What is man that You magnify him,
And that You are concerned about him,
18That You examine him every morning
And try him every moment?
19"Will You never turn Your gaze away from me,
Nor let me alone until I swallow my spittle?
20"Have I sinned? What have I done to You,
O watcher of men?
Why have You set me as Your target,
So that I am a burden to myself?
21"Why then do You not pardon my transgression
And take away my iniquity?

I just wanted to be a good person. I was raised to always do my best. It didn't seem like God had ever done me any favors so I really just wanted to be left alone. And for the most part I was a good person. I wasn't a popular, particularly cool, or confident person but I didn't have any enemies and didn't really give cause for many to be annoyed by me. I just did the best I could with my circumstances and talents. But like I said there was very little I saw need to be buddy buddy with God. And then there was the frustration I had with God. What had I done to God to have been dealed the cards he dealt me?

So what changed...? This will be the long version. So this will be a good time for you to leave, or at least get something to eat or get a blanket to wrap around you like the kid on The Neverending Story. Man, thats an awesome movie! FAL-KOOOOOR !!!

So towards the end of my freshman year of college (2001) a lot of changes were about to happen in my family. My mom was getting married and everyone was going to move into his house that summer. I was informed that it was time to for me to be on my own. I was working part-time and going to college full-time and getting good grades and I was a starter on my college soccer team. I had a car that was constantly broken. I wasn't prepared to be on my own and I had no savings.. I kinda thought I would be able to live at home till I finished college, etc.. but change of plans. I went in to talk to the Director of Athletics at my community college about scholarships and kind of just advice and stuff. He told me that an old friend of his was the AD at a small private college in middle of nowhere Missouri and they need soccer players with talent and have scholarships available. So called up my uncle who lives in Kansas City, asked him what he thought, and made my decision that evening. And just like that I moved to Missouri. I spent the summer with him and attended that college for 2 semesters.

Summer with my uncle was fun... the college... not so much. But I did learn a lot about myself and about being independent. It gave me the time to grow up a little bit and be able to have the tools to be on my own. Coming home to a home that wasn't all that inviting kinda helped too.

A close friend of mine became a Christian while I was away at college and I accepted an invite to a little get together with some of her friends at the apparently world famous club, "The Brandin' Iron." I striked up a conversation with one of her friends about soccer and coaching and looking for a job and when she heard that I had experience coaching High School soccer and was currently volunteer coaching a team of 12-13yr old boys she told me that the Christian school she worked at probably needs coaching for their sports and they would pay me, I decided to check it out. I really needed a job.

I went down to the Christian school and met with the jr/sr high athletic director and it so turned out that they were in need of a jr. high girls volleyball coach. After he offered me the job he told me to go meet with the principal of the school, so as I walked down the hall I passed by a man who immediately turned around and said, "Hey, aren't you Jason Hicks?" I responded curiously, 'yes.." Turns out he coached me in soccer when I was 12 or 13 (the same age I was currently coaching, by the way). He remembered my family, my good attitude, and was curious what I was doing there. When I told him about the volleyball coaching gig he asked me what I knew about coaching PE. I said something like, "jumping jacks, dodgeball, running the mile?" And he said, "Well if you want the job, you'd start next week."

Sometimes things just work out like that. So before I knew it I added more things to my list from jr. high volleyball coach to elementary P.E. teacher, 5th/6th co-ed sports coach, k-6 athletic director, k-6 student council adviser, k-6 computer teacher, to basically anything that's fun and outgoing I pretty much was responsible for in some sort :)

So not only did I become a full time instructor but I also started attending church every Sunday and teaching Sunday school. And I was definitely faking the Christian thing.

Being the only guy staff member under the age of 50 definitely was awesome. I had never felt such love and appreciation before. It's gotta be something similar to the feeling of being a dad. Those kids would come running to me everyday.. every single day.. as I walked onto campus and give me the biggest hugs. One kiddo named Jacob stood out from the rest. He was in first grade and was kind of a trouble maker. He was a bit of a ragamuffin and was so funny and cool. His teacher and the principal had difficulty with disciplining him so they decided to send him to me to see if I can reach him. We would play some basketball or go for a walk around the field and eventually he would open up to me.

Turned out his older sister was on the volleyball team I was coaching. At the end of the season party I got the chance to meet their parents. We started talking and when she realized I was the new coach who her son couldn't stop talking about I remember her grabbing my hand and thanking me for making the difference I've made in Jacob's life. She then told me that he was a foster child, taken from a drugs and abuse situation by the CPS. They have had him for about a year and his behavior has been a problem since they took him in and that whatever I've been doing has made a difference.

Sometimes I think he would get in trouble just to hang out with me, but I didn't really care.. I was so thankful to be making a difference in someone's life like that. Then one day he wasn't there to give me my morning hug. After a week of no hugs I finally asked his teacher what was up. CPS had contacted his biological grandparents and turns out they are Christian, wonderful, good people and will be taking custody of him.

Jacob's last day was a tear-jerker. I think he came in for only the last part of the day to say his goodbyes and blow out his early candles on his birthday cake. I joined his class for his little party and he called me over so he could sit on my lap to blow out his candles. I could just feel my throat getting knotted. I was not ready to say goodbye to him yet. After the party he walked by my side to carpool and we sat together on the bench waiting for his ride. Everywhere I looked there was someone crying. Crying joy that he is going to have the life he deserves, but also crying because all though he was a pain at times we had all grown to love the little guy. When his ride arrived he stood up strong and bold-faced, still not shedding a single tear. With a peace sign and a smile he said goodbye.

And then it was okay for me to start crying. I ended up having to get up and go walk off those tears. It was a deep emotional cry... something I couldn't remember doing for a long, long time. I returned to the bench after carpool was over to sit down. It was then that I realized that I had just been given the opportunity to heal a wound that I had been ignoring for most of my life. When I was Jacob's age I lost my father to a drunk driver. I went to his funeral and everywhere I looked people were crying, but I told myself I would not. I decided that I needed to be strong and not shed a tear. Jacob grew up faster than he should have and knew that he wasn't like the other kids in his class. That little boy who stood strong who I just watched walk away to take on the next chapter in his life was me.


So much of what he had been feeling I felt at that age. If it wasn't for what I had been through I would not have been able to connect with him like I did. I began to think back to our talks and walks that we shared. I knew what he needed to hear and feel from me because I spent most of my life wanting those things from someone. To have someone to look up to and loved me and made me feel so special. A man who believed in me and thought I was awesome. A man who I can look up to and think he is sooo cool and he loves me! I knew exactly what Jacob needed because I've spent my whole life.. to this day still.. needing that.. searching for that.

This couldn't just be a random chain of events that brought me to that moment... the mutual friend.. the job opening.. the coach from my past... the boy the same age as me with the same pain... it had to be planned. I knew without a doubt that God had brought me to that school to meet Jacob and be introduced to God's love. To be healed and receive peace. To be given a purpose. To finally understand that everything that I had experienced was training for a higher calling. No book or college class could have given me the compassion and understanding needed to minister to Jacob and kids like him. If I can help just one child it would have been all worth it!

I walked up to the principals office and I must have just looked like a mess. I confessed to him that I had been faking it and was never a Christian. He looked at me and smiled. He told me that he knew and then asked me if I was ready to become one. I said yes. We prayed together and a few months later he baptized me.

God wants to heal your wounds and make you whole. He does not care what you've done or where you have been. You are His creation and his child. He loves you for who are. He has a purpose and plan for your life that is so much greater than whatever path you are trying to hike on your own.

What's that Big 'O' in the Sky... Is it Captain Obvious?

If we've ever prayed together you've probably heard me say something along the lines of:
            "Father when you speak to me (or us) please help me (us) to know that is you,
             make your commands and leading completely obvious..."

I need obvious.  Ask my wife... she'll tell you that I'm pretty dumb when it comes to signs and directions.  Once she explains it to me, I'm like, "Oh that make sense now, I'll pay better attention next time."

Maybe I'm the only one out there, but I go through times when my prayers become immediately disrupted by random thoughts.  Thoughts of I don't know, finances, chores, work, or some unfinished business..  it can be really anything.  The past couple months it has been like this.  Its funny, I started to do a pre-prayer before my real prayer.  Like you know how a book will have a preface that gives the reader an insight on what to expect from the author once the book actually starts... well I started doing that with God:
          "Father, it is my desire for our time together to be without distractions.  I have
           yet to figure out if it some sort of spiritual warfare or just my immaturity lately,
           but whatever it is help me keep this prayer vertical (between You and me) and
           not horizontal (everything else)."

Today when I put on my 8 layers of clothes and get in my Volvo (that still runs great but the heater seems to be more of a warmer since it only warms the temperature in the car to just around tolerable) one of my stops I'm going to make is the dollar store to pick up a new prayer journal.  God has been doing a lot lately and I don't want it to fade in my memory.. I need to write it down.  I also need to pray more and writing helps me A.D.D. thing when I just pray verbally.  My father deserves more of my attention, and lately He's been working a lot more in my life and I need to spend more time in His presence.. and I need to take notes.

So I got laid off from my employer of 19 months for something that just boils down to politics and very little to do with me.  My immediate thought was, "Okay God, what is your plan here?"  I had gone above the call of duty in loyalty (and probably naivety) to volunteer for time off that was initially going to be 3 weeks till the next job and ended up being closer to 9 weeks.  So after 3 1/2 weeks of returning back to work they cut me loose.  I've been without work for almost a month now.

During my last period of unemployment I had plenty of honey-do's and things to keep me busy for the most part, but now that I'm back less than a month later, there is not a whole lot for me to do.  So I've contacted a local Christian k-12 school a couple blocks away to do some volunteer work in whatever capacity they need.  I also contacted the Denver Rescue Mission and have offered the same.  I have yet to hear back from either of them, but that's okay, they know how to contact me.

I've also kept myself available for whatever our church needs.  A while back I told you about the Youth Ministry position being filled.  Well turns out the guy had second thoughts and backed out.  Two days ago I was offered the interim position as Youth Leader.  Interim meaning only 16hrs or so a week and it will be my job just to keep the ball rolling until they are able to find someone to take over.  Personally, I'm in no rush to hand over the responsibility.

The first obstacle of this position will be the weekday youth group night.  In the past it has been on Wednesdays, but I have apprenticeship classes on Mon/Wed from 6 to 9pm so hopefully switching it to Thursday nights won't be an issue.  So yesterday afternoon I'm discussing scheduling and that my (when I eventually start) work schedule will be 7am to 3:30 mon-fri.. class is mon/wed 6 to 9pm, tuesday/fri will have to be my office hours from 4 to 7/8 pm, Thursday will be youth night and then Sunday will be all morning/early afternoon.  So my weekdays will be pretty packed..  but very do-able...stupid night classes.. can't wait till they are finished.

I leave the church office, go home to kiss my wife, and then go to class.  Then something interesting happens.  I was listening to my audio Bible on the way to class about Peter in Acts 10, wishing that God would be THIS obvious with me:

Peter went up on the flat roof to pray. It was about noon, ¹⁰ and he was hungry. But while a meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. ¹¹ He saw the sky open, and something like a large sheet was let down by its four corners. ¹² In the sheet were all sorts of animals, reptiles, and birds. ¹³ Then a voice said to him, “Get up, Peter; kill and eat them.”
 ¹⁴ “No, Lord,” Peter declared. “I have never eaten anything that our Jewish laws have declared impure and unclean.^[b]”
 ¹⁵ But the voice spoke again: “Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean.” ¹⁶ The same vision was repeated three times. Then the sheet was suddenly pulled up to heaven.
 ¹⁷ Peter was very perplexed. What could the vision mean? Just then the men sent by Cornelius found Simon’s house. Standing outside the gate, ¹⁸ they asked if a man named Simon Peter was staying there.
 ¹⁹ Meanwhile, as Peter was puzzling over the vision, the Holy Spirit said to him, “Three men have come looking for you. ²⁰ Get up, go downstairs, and go with them without hesitation. Don’t worry, for I have sent them.”
 ²¹ So Peter went down and said, “I’m the man you are looking for. Why have you come?”
 ²² They said, “We were sent by Cornelius, a Roman officer. He is a devout and God-fearing man, well respected by all the Jews. A holy angel instructed him to summon you to his house so that he can hear your message.” ²³ So Peter invited the men to stay for the night. The next day he went with them, accompanied by some of the brothers from Joppa.

So something obvious every now and then would be great.  God gives a vision to Peter about going beyond his comfort zone.. not so much with food.. but with people.  God wants Peter to reach out to the Gentiles.. to put aside the rules of old and his assumptions/stereotypes and help the non-believer and non-Jewish.  I was been praying for God's guidance and blessings on my path and now my new task and schedule as I pulled into the apprenticeship and up the stairs, when I walk into my classroom and my teacher announces that we will no longer have weekday classes for the remainder of the school year.  He has accepted a job with the railroad as a maintenance electrician and his work schedule will be 3 to 11pm so we will
now have class on Saturdays from 8 to 2:30. 

I was like little Nick in Honey I Shrunk the Kids when the light bulb finally turned on and it made sense.  Want obvious..?  How's that for you?  Hmmm... let's recap.

1.  Got laid off from working at a sewage treatment plant that kept getting me sick, so now what will I do with all this free time.

      1a.  Taking over the reigns of a youth group will require a bit of time initially to get setup and get the ball rolling.

2.  I've been awfully lonely lately being home alone all day.  And I need to do something better with my day than lying around the house.
      2a.  Plenty to be done in youth and children's ministry.  And with the new church, moving, planning, etc I don't see myself being a lump anymore. 
3.  Being out of work doesn't pay as much as working, I need to find something to help get us by.  And if it can be under 20hrs I can still receive some unemployment benefits.  Oh, and if it can be enjoyable that would be a plus!
     3a.  Starting this Sunday I will be getting paid for the volunteer work I already do for the children's ministry and I will get to work with the youth group (And I'll enjoy that!)
4.   This apprenticeship class thing is a real drag.  I'm not going to have any nights off during the week.
     4a.  Would Saturdays be okay with you?  You're a morning person and you're up early anyways.  Why not get it all out of the way in one day?  By the time you're done with class your lovely wife will be rested up enough and you'll have more breathing room during your work week.



Now don't blow it Jason.  You've been patient and I've worked it all out for you.. make me proud, son.

I won't Father.. thank you.